After a day of inclement weather, Olsen made the final call to close school at 1:54 PM this afternoon, saving the student body from an extra minute of driving in the snow. The April flurry, which was only predicted by 99% of all news sources, took the town of Westford by complete surprise, burdening administrators with a time-sensitive and difficult decision. To the great disappointment of the senior class and all of Westford Academy’s students, the early release cancelled the last minute of class, along with all after school activities.
“This was a very difficult decision to make,” says one administrator. “When we call a snow day, we are risking the education of our children for the sake of their safety. Not only will seniors miss yet another day of their high school career, but a snow day introduces a host of latent complications. On the other hand, we do have several days set aside for situations like these, and we’ve only had two snow days this year.”
“When Westford cancels school, it shows other schools that we are weak. Driving in dangerous conditions is character-building and demonstrates discipline—and that’s what ultimately makes Westford Academy the school that it is,” explained a disgruntled teacher. “Back in my day, school was never cancelled. When I was younger, I hiked 30 miles over hills and through peat bogs barefoot to get to school every day. Kids are so privileged nowadays.”
Students have also expressed their disappointment over Olsen’s decision. “I was late to first block this morning ’cause of the snowy conditions,” says one senior who boasts twenty-three tardies in this quarter alone, “but I really think the experience helped me develop who I am as a person. Education isn’t just about learning mechanics, parallel structure, and using trig identities. It’s about gripping the steering wheel and screaming in fear as I skid toward near-certain death on the road to school.”
“Yeah,” chimed in his friend. “I mean, that’s just life sometimes. It’s sad to think that we won’t get to develop the kind of true grit we need to trudge through the iciest of life’s challenges now that we have a snow day. As a new driver, I’m glad my first experience was so exhilarating.”
The school department, however, was satisfied with the results of the early release, which yielded only three major accidents and two hospitalizations.
“What students often fail to realize is that for every snow day we call, they get an extra day at the end of the year,” explained administration. “And really, it’s much better to be risking your life behind the wheel in the midst of a snowstorm than to be stuck attending school in June when we refuse to turn on the AC.”
“Ultimately,” says Olsen, “the verdict is up to SnowDayCalculator.com to decide.”
Live footage of the senior parking lot is available here
